Anticipating Death, Loving Life

I’m seventy-six, with a multitude of ailments, but can mostly do what I want to do, provided there is not a lot of physical exertion. For example, this morning I participated in a water aerobics class at my local Y, doing most of the demonstrated exercises, occasionally slowing the pace for myself to a half speed. I love that class with our instructor, Scott!

During the past few months, several friends and relatives have died, passed on to the next realm. Some have been about my age, but two, Judith and Eden, were younger. We’re never ready for someone else to move on and, of course, I don’t expect to feel ready when it’s my turn.

I’m aware of being older, of moving more slowly, always holding the banister while walking up or down stairs, remembering my faster movements of years ago.

Is the realization of my impending demise the reason for my accentuated pleasure in many of my current activities? I am conscious of the increased pleasure in relatively minor things, even eating. Some foods no longer give me pleasure, such as lobster. Unfortunately, some foods continue to delight me too much, such as a really good chocolate brownie or piece of cake.

Among my regular pleasures right now are cappuccino, hand-delivered by my husband several days each week, and specific breakfast items. These include the Brioche breakfast sandwich from our local bakery, Bonney Bread, and the quesadilla from One Mighty Mill, in Lynn. Each of those provide me with a delicious treat once a week.

Something that provided a treat for me last night were fresh red, white, and purple radishes from Tender Crop Farms. I salted them with orange-ginger salt, bought at another local shop. I love it that something so simple can provide such a pleasure for me!

After this writing, I’ll be joining other women for a lunch at Su Chang’s. Our group is diminishing as we age and slow down. However, I continue to have the pleasure of picking up my friend, Fran, just weeks after her knee replacement, still moving, still enjoying life and this lunch. These lunches, taken for granted fairly recently, now move higher in my appreciation, not only for the food, but for the company. We’ve known each other for decades, with varying degrees of appreciation. We don’t always agree on political issues, however, at a personal level, we are respectful.

After lunch, I’ll be attending — and cheering on — a Juneteenth flag raising in neighboring Marblehead. Unlike the lunch, I’ll be with people who share my strong social justice views. Then, this evening, I’ll be with yet another group of friends at my on-line Bible study, where people with differing religious backgrounds, Christian, Jewish, and me, Quaker, offer their perspectives on whichever verses are under the microscope this week.

Last night, I listened to a poetry reading where the topic was suicide and the poet was a young Christian. She, Maya Williams, included poems written about two biblical characters who committed suicide, Judas and Samson. Although I’m very familiar with their stories, I’ve never thought of them as having committed suicide. Her poems were direct, powerful, and timely, for so many people today, especially young people, are considering, attempting, or completing suicide, frustrated by the problems of the world and their seeming inability to change anything.

Let me end on a more positive note. Yesterday, at a neighboring senior center, I watched the documentary, about fifteen years old, Young at Heart, about elderly people in a chorus that toured in Europe, to cheering crowds and even performed in a prison to inmates who were totally engaged. The. chorus members were not particularly musically talented. However, they loved practicing and performing. They loved life and it showed. I, also, am loving life, every day that remains to me.

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