Stop Saving It!

This morning, as I ended my shower, I noticed something on my shelf that has been there for about a year. It was something that I took home from a retreat that left me feeling worthwhile, loved, treasured, even and it was simply a packet of body oil. During the retreat, this packet of Danyan daily massage oil was distributed. We were invited to remove our shoes and socks, then to massage our feet and ankles slowly and generously with this luscious oil. The entire atmosphere, the culture of the retreat was focused on self care, so spending this time and energy on ourselves felt totally right. We were then offered a strip of blue masking tape and encouraged to close up the remainder of the oil for later use for ourselves. I did that and have been looking at this small packet in my bathroom ever since.

In those first days and weeks following the retreat, I’d think about how wonderful it had felt to indulge in that self care, deciding over and over that it wasn’t the right time to use the remainder, that I didn’t have the time, that I should save it for a better time, a time when I had extra time to use it with the care it deserved.

What was different about this morning? Perhaps it was that recently, I was invited to be a Guinea pig for an acquaintance, Susan, who was in training to be a life coach for senior citizens. My initial response was mixed. At my age (78), how could it make sense to have future goals? On the other hand, I’m still alive and I want to be as alive as possible!

In our initial sessions, which were held in-person at downtown cafes sipping tea, she interviewed me, seeking to understand what mattered to me, what I cared about, and what might make my life richer, fuller. Susan is an extraordinary listener! She sifted all of my chatter and identified two needs/goals/desires with potential conflict. One was my lifetime interest in supporting human rights; the other was my acknowledged need for self care, which I often consider as self-indulgent.

So, my homework is routine self reflection, not actual action to make changes. My guess is that, although I was not consciously thinking about it at the time, when I got out of the shower and spied that oil on the counter where it has sat for almost a year, I thought to myself, I have the time right now to use this and to relish using it.

I dripped the oil onto each thigh, then massaged it all over each leg, slowly and consciously, remembering the delightful experience at the retreat, taking my time and allowing myself to simply enjoy it.

Why had I been unintentionally saving it? For what? I’m not against saving, whether for a rainy day or something else. There is no reason to continue saving this oil. It’s luscious, but not precious. I wonder it I am unconsciously saving other things that I should simply be using, particularly if it would give me a simple pleasure. It’s ok, better than ok, to allow ourselves these simple pleasures. Is there something you are saving that you could be using with pleasure or satisfaction? Stop saving it!